Wednesday, February 19, 2014

How to Lose a Job in 10 Days

Written by Lauren Lind

Losing a job can actually be easier than losing a guy in 10 days. Unless you really want to get dumped by your place of employment, do not do the following things:

1.  Consistently roll in late. Punctuality makes a huge difference in the professional world. Being on time shows that you value your job. Everyone is replaceable so make it hard for management to replace you. Start with showing up on time or early.

2.  Show up looking or smelling like a hobo. Don’t skip showering before coming into the office and please save the sweat pants and yoga pants for the gym. Just because you’re a student employee, there’s no excuse to disregard the dress code. Abiding by the dress code and dressing for success is a must.

3.  Spend the majority of your day checking social media, taking selfies, online shopping, or looking up bizarre videos. Needless to say, your boss will notice you staring at cat videos all day long or duck-facing it in the middle of the day. Be sure to give yourself a responsible break in the day to regroup and clear your mind so that you can stay focused for most of the day. 

4.  Have a potty mouth. Dropping F-bombs and calling people female dogs in front of your boss or directed at your boss's face will be sure to get you fired.

5.  Miss deadlines on a regular basis. Things come up and not all deadlines are met; however, missing deadlines weekly and blaming your downfalls on others is not cool. Take responsibility and get work done.

6.  Gossip like a 15-year old girl. Starting rumors and partaking in talking behind co-workers backs is one, mean, and two, a complete waste of time. Drop the drama and act like an adult.

7.  Kill everyone’s vibe. Being the perpetual complainer is not an attractive quality. Debbie Downers and Negative Nancy's are easier to cut than people who are supportive and positive in their working environment.

8.  Lie on your resume. If you can’t really code HTML or don’t really know Russian, you are going to be in deep trouble when your boss asks you to design a website or call a client in Sochi. Honesty can get you far in life.

9.  Date your boss or co-worker. Dating is always a touchy subject in the office. My advice is to steer clear of office relationships to avoid any awkward tension or situations that could end up with you looking for a different job.

10. Cause a scene. Whether you’re at an office party or a work event, make sure you remain professional. If you happen to get ticked off and draw negative attention to yourself, you can say hello to unemployment.

So there you have it to lose a job in 10 days. I wouldn’t recommend doing any of those things if you plan on having good references.